writers workshop - the birth

My assignment from Mama's Losin' It, if I should choose to accept, is to write about my birth. Well, being that I was so small and everything, I don't quite remember it all. Oh... I have heard the highlights from the parentals - "Your head was the size of a watermelon" and "You were the ugliest baby" (always a confidence booster). But as for all the little details - I haven't a clue. I do know I was a large baby AND got my Mom out of going to a company party she didn't want to go to. I also know that I was born on a Friday night. Super exciting right?

BUT... I could also warp my assignment to write about MY birth. The one I was involved in. You know, the one where I birthed a small toddler who almost ate the premie in the incubator next to him. That story I definitely know!

It was March. I was so excited to be a new Mom that I couldn't wait to meet the dumpling of a boy who was occupying my extremely large belly. I was a wee bit worried that I'd have a really large baby. I warned my OB that ginormous babies run in my family. She laughed and told me she hears that all the time. "No, seriously. We grow em big!" Umm, I'm sure you do. Stupid OB.

Now it's April and people give me that 'horrified/ shocked' look when they see me in the stores. I hear their whispers - "Is she pregnant or did she eat her husband??" "Will you get a look at THAT!!" Yes, I was quite the sight. I continued to state my ginormous baby fears to my OB and she continued to chuckle them off. Really stupid OB.

By now it is mid-April and little D-man is about to make his entrance. He was a stubborn babe and highly enjoyed the deluxe accommodations I was providing. Guess my uterus is like a luxury penthouse *snort* After pushing for what seemed like an eternity, his big ole noggin finally made it through. That is about all that got out because then - he got stuck. Stupid husband's broad shoulders.

After some swift manuvering, twisting and tugging my doctor finally got D-man out. Her first words you query? "Damn". Yes, that's right - DAMN. I look to my husband, scared that something was wrong with our baby. "What's wrong with him??" He peaks over the sheet... "Holy S$%@!" WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!? HUBBY!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH OUR BABY!? Then the doctor held him up:

Oh holy heck! What in heavens is that?! Where's my cute little baby?? Yep, this lassie gave birth to a child that looked very similar to that one - except pale with red hair. My little D-man was a whopping 11 lbs 3 oz. Did I mention he was born naturally? Yeah.. he was. Did I mention I told Hubby he could never touch me again after that. Yeah... I did.

Want to check out everyone else's stories. Head on over to Mama's Losin' It and see how everyone else is handling motherhood!